Friday, March 26, 2010

Catalyst Rising

I'd be telling a lie if I said that I believed that good things sometimes just happen to people. Not because I'm cynical or because I don't believe in miracles; on the contrary, I might be one of the few people who still does. But in all honesty I think most of the time I just don't consciously believe that good things can happen to me without a bit of effort on my part. Some things in life are just that way. 

But what I do believe is that you have to know the bottom to appreciate the top. Now, I don't know if I ever really reached the bottom, but I can't help but cross my fingers hoping where I am now is heading towards the top. Maybe because it happened out of no where; I wasn't looking for it to happen and I didn't see it coming. Maybe its just because the best things in life happen when we don't think we're ready. 

Maybe the past few years got me ready for this without me realizing it. God made sure I would understand just how good it was coming by giving me a pile of crap to deal with in the mean time. A year ago I wasn't wise enough, wasn't strong enough, wasn't brave enough to take a chance. To step out of my comfort zone, away from my uncertainty and fears to let someone else try and make me happy. But when I finally took a deep breath and took the plunge, I am left speechless. I almost can't find the words to wrap my mind around how I feel and how nice it is knowing someone out there feels the same.

It's amazing, electrifying, terrifying, magnificent, intense, overwhelming, to name just a few. 

It might even be once in a lifetime and if it is, I just thank all the powers that be that I was at a place in life that I could recognize just how amazing what was being offered to me was. And so now I'm just kind of marveling at it all. It's a bit of a difficult situation because of the time frame in which it all happened, but I wouldn't change a thing. Not one thing. Once we conquer this hurtle, I refuse to let anything stand in the way. It's my turn to do something right.

And besides, the real battle is simply this:  letting yourself be happy.

If this is my last chance to love you,
Then I'm going to play it like a grown girl ought to,
If I've only got one shot to win you,
Then call me Jordan 4th quarter in '92
I'm going to do it
No matter what your friends say
I'm going to do it
Believe me baby, i'm talking about the kinda change
From a girl to a woman,
Like Barrack and his plan
If this is my last chance yeah yeah