Saturday, October 17, 2009

An Utter Conundrum

I'm sure that everyone must wonder about this question. A question that is an essential part of life and that continues to enthrall and yet baffle the mind. It's a much talked about question and one that will most likely never be answered:

What is the other sex thinking?

Yes folks, this age old question is the obvious winner on the list of things that frustrate the average person. Millions of questions that have flitted through people's minds make up this one simple sounding bafflement. It may seem that you can guess is on that person's mind but you could guess to high heaven and never really know for sure.

You always wonder just what so-and-so is thinking especially in regards to yourself and especially so if you want to look at this person in a romantic or even just lustful sort of way. You just have to wonder how they see you and if they have any attraction to you too. Or if they do approach you, you wonder what their motives are and what sort of outcome they're seeking. Do they want a relationship in the end or do they just want a one night stand? It's just so confusing to figure out what they want from you especially when you want something in particular as well.

And then you have to wonder about the way they act towards you. If they're super sweet then you wonder if it's all part of their game to get you to go to a hotel/home with them. But if they are distant you wonder why they're with you at all. And then there's the waiting game that's played if numbers or e-mails have been exchanged. If you received the info then you have to wonder how long to wait before contacting them so that you don't seem desperate or eager but you can't wait too long or they might give up on you. And if you give away your info you have to just sit and wait and hope that they do contact you if you are interested.

I guess the way that people behave in these situations and they way they think just speaks volumes about the way people think in general. Just based on how a person perceives another's actions can tell you a lot about them. You can sort of tell how much self-esteem a person. Although if you like the other person there's no way you help but start questioning your own attractiveness even if you normally are very confident.

I guess my point is that the opposite sex (or the same sex if that's your cup of tea XD ) is way confusing and your self-esteem can be easily affected by them. But it's part of life so no one can escape from it unless you have no interest in love or relationships but then if that's the case, I'd have to think you are a weirdo.

So what's with this random topic?

I'm waiting to see if this guy I met a club is going to e-mail me. *sigh*

He's a super sweet guy although appearance-wise I wouldn't give him a second look if I just saw him in a crowd (aside from the fact that he's pretty tall~). I think I'm more afraid for my self-esteem if he doesn't e-mail than about missing out on him specifically.

Oh well, I guess I can just cross my fingers and wait!

- Melon

Monday, October 12, 2009


I promise to be strong and drive forward to the end. No matter what obstacles, no matter what blocks my way. No matter who says it can't be done and no matter if the wind blows to push me away. I don't care about the chances or the probability. I don't care about the odds that stack up or the waves that rise to wash me off course. People can laugh at me, people can talk about me, let them say what they like. I will find a way.

Because it's not just my dream and its not just my hopes and its not just my fear. There is a handful of people that wait for the day when I can stand under those lights and see it wasn't all for nothing. I will not let them down, I refuse to fail because people are counting on me. And more than that, I have to believe in myself. In who I am and what I can do because with the strong determination I was once named for, I can succeed. I can be, with the strength God gave me, exactly who I strive to be.

So thank you to the friends that didn't let me fall. To the boy that loved me in his own way even to today no matter how it pained us. To the girl who trains each moment of her life to stand besides me. To the girl who never let me cry alone even though she never got to stand by my side all those times. To the girl who had the courage to live and in turn, gave me courage to live too. To the anthem of their cheers in my soul that won't let me rest until it is done. This I promise: Watch me rise. From a dream, to a desire, to a reality.


Sunday, October 11, 2009

The Dream to Reality

There comes a time in every young couples time together when the situation calls for a special moment of sacred-ness. It could be a peak in emotions or various other complex and at the same time, simple motivators. But either way, when the moment strikes, there is always a reason for why it happened then and there opposed to other locations around this large world. Fate? Destiny? Hard to say really, but either way when one is lucky enough to experience the joys of such moments, it is as if the entire world has simply slowed to accomodate your happiness. What a joyous occasion.

However, if you are the unforunate one that has never experienced this or have not the oppurtunity for lack of said relationship in the first place, well you are then only able to look on as a forlorn spectator wondering when it's your turn. Rest assured, it will come in due time and course when you least expect it and appreciate it the most, but it is rather frustrating to look on knowing you can't experience it yourself yet.

On a park bench in Makuhari, Chiba, Japan in the middle of the night in the park between Baytown and Kaihin Makuhari station, one such moment transpired. In the dark it was difficult to see the finer details but my fellow Melon and I got to be far off observers. Of course we got a bit of a giggle off of having accidentally stumbled upon a private moment and we did eventually leave to give them absolute privacy. However, it made the pang somewhere inside throb a bit more than usual to see it happening. But of course we wish them luck and happiness where ever this course takes them in life.

Later we happened upon the bench again just in passing and we both shared a good laugh and smile at remembering it. And at the same time, it gives that longing feeling. So here we salute the bench and all that it gives service to. The dream, the desire, the reality.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

The Truth Can Be Found in Lies

How devastatingly simple is it to lie.

Grasping at words from thin air to alter the truth and create an alternate reality. Honestly, people don't question anything, do they...

How much simpler it is when those you deceive are those who do not know who you truly are...playing a role in order to appease those around you and to make yourself well-liked.

You offer up the words that you know will please and they believe you without a moment's hesitation. You could make a world of fake friends with the lies that they will believe.

You can get away with anything if the lie is reasonable enough. If it only masks who you truly are or what you truly think, then who is to know otherwise.

How many people lie in order to escape the truth and have others believe them? What about the people who lie praying that someone catches them?

It's hard to spin lies and know that no one will catch you. You pretend that someone will notice and someone will confront you, but being far from home and far from those who know, no one questions what you say and what excuses you make.

I lie because I don't want to be me...but I lie because I want someone to find me.

- Melon

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

A Serious Matter

tOne of the most amazing symbols of Japanese male presence is the hair clip. Unlike other cultures where this is a sure sign of, dare I say it...homosexuality! (gasp) here, it is a sign of anticipation of hard work or an attempt to preserve those lovely, luxuriously styled bangs that come down to the fringe of the eyes from being socked with moisture. On a rainy day or within the realm of sports or even in daily life activities where the perfected bangs become an imperment to vision or accuracy, the hair clips emerge. And they come in all shapes sizes and styles.

And what we`re saying is not just limited to the common everyday Japanese young man (between the ages of 14-30), as a matter of fact, some of the finest examples of the elusive but infamous hair clip method are people of quite well known standing. Don`t believe us?

Examples: Kamenashi Kazuya (KAT-KUN) , Kim Junsu (DBSK/TVXQ/Tohoshinki), Yamashita Tomohisa (NewS) just to name a few

Oh and when they do it, you know there is a little bubble of excitement that rises up inside your little stomach knowing they are either sweating, getting rained on, or doing something that otherwise will make YOU sweat. But perhaps the finest example of the all too amazing hair clip is none other than Kim Jaejoong of DBSK/TVXQ/Tohoshinki. Oh, has he mastered the very tedious act of pinning one`s bangs back. You know when those bangs get clipped in the backside direction and his very rarely seen forehead is shown to the world, well in the words of Melon, "things are about to get serious". Having troubles picturing it? Let us help you.

*DBSK prepares to play a game of badminton on a TV show*

YH: Alright guys, Yoochun and I are on a team and Junsu, you`re with Changmin. Jaejoong, be the judge.

JS: Wait, wasn`t badminton Jaejoong-hyung`s sport in high school?

CM: Haha, does that even count?

JJ: Shut up! Of course it counts *looks sulky and glares at Changmin* I`ll have you know I was an ace.

YC: *descreetly to Yunho* They have aces in badminton....?

YH: *shrugs* Uh, anyway! How about which ever team wins this match plays against Jaejoong to decide the champion?

CM: Is that even a contest?

JJ: Of course it is! I`ll beat you single handedly!

*Team Yunho plays Team Junsu*
*Team Yunho wins*

YH: Alright Jaejoong, that means we play you for the title.

CM: Oh brother...

JJ: That`s right prepare to be shamed! *pushes up sleeves and grabs racket from bench* This might not even be fair for you *test swings racket excitedly*

CM: He is way too excited about this...

*Start to play and in a few minutes the score is 3:1 in favor of Team Yunho*

YH: I thought you were an ace, Jaejoong? *snickers*

JJ: *winded* Alright...I didn`t want to have to do this leave me no choice

YC, JS, CM, YH: O_o....??

J: Time to get serious *clips back bangs* Let`s do this!

YC, JS, CM, YH:..................................................*la sigh*

Monday, October 5, 2009

Miso. Rain. Me.

As I write: "Everything" by Lifehouse
Playing in my head: "Never be the Same" by Red

Today my host mother told me there is a typhoon coming and by Thrusday it should be at its full force. But she also said it's not something to fear or be too worried for. She assured me they are nothing like hurricanes and happen often although the one coming is suppose to be large. It'll rain for days until its tired itself out and be gone with the rest of the wind. So she just smiled and said, "don't worry". So I'm not.

Somehow today I felt that the rain made me think of a lot of things in my life. Rain always makes me think that way. It's pouring down like nobody's business and just goes on and on and on. I hate rain because it ruins my hair and makes everything just moist and damp. It ruins perfectly good days and makes me do laundry more often, especially when I have to ride to school in it. I love it in stories because it creates a mood all by itself and washes away while at the same time starts something new. I use it all the time in my writing and enjoy a good storm inside a book. But for me, myself, and I who has no amazing happenstances to occur in it, I just hate it.

But today I looked out the window and somehow didn't really hate it. It made me just feel right. It's a pretty twisted feeling considering it didn't particularly make me feel good or bad. Just right. Rain follows me around it seems, but when it's here, it's just part of this place I suppose. So much of my life feels that way.

Just like miso soup.

My host father came home late cause its his long work day and he is drinking miso soup while I got ready to wash up for the night. And I thought it'd be nice to have some right then and there. But that's just how it is. Sometimes I can drink the salty soup with whatever its got in it, whether that be tofu or mushrooms, and genuinely enjoy its acquired taste. But then some days I can't even stand to let the bitter flavor touch my tongue much less go down to my stomach. So much of me is that way. And now that I'm sitting here while it pours outside, I'm wondering if my life is always going to be like that bowl of miso soup.

And of course with a side order of rain outside and Tohoshinki singing in the background through my headphones. Some things just follow me it seems. That and a hazel eyed boy that stands across the street holding an umbrella looking angry at me for not sharing it with him. Or maybe that's just a dream.