"What do you want from me? Just let me breathe a little. What do you want to see? What's in front of your eyes? What do you want to believe? Still nothing can be settled. Hold on to the words you say...It's no good"
When I think about everything, from the beginning to the end, I still can't see it. Maybe that's the point. Maybe it doesn't have to make sense and that's why its so hard to think about. Beyond any kind of pain or sadness, it's that blank space of having no answers, no reasons, no answers to the questions that can drive a person mad.
I haven't always done things right, Lord knows I've made the wrong decisions, hurt people, not always walked the right road. Hasn't everyone? But sometimes you know that you did the best you could with what you had. Is it too much to take pride in the things you worked hard for? For once I feel justified in saying that I gave my time and effort despite my fears, my uncertainties, my apprehensions. When you dare to step outside the world you know, you take the risk of being left there, staring at the dark without so much as a star to guide you out. It was a risk I was willing to take.
No matter how many mistakes I've made, I don't regret the things that have happened to me. Even if they hurt, even if they aren't great, those are the things that have built me from the ground up. I don't regret it. But this time, just this time...I feel that pang of regret stirring violently in my stomach. Regret for not getting the chance to prove it could be right. For not getting the chance to give my all. And I'm just stuck with it, that feeling. It grinds down my guts with a sickeningly slow pressure.
How do you take back what you gave with all your strength? The sad truth is that you can't. Nothing erases time, nothing makes it all go away. No matter how much anyone pretends that they can. I just wish I wasn't the only one that understood that.
In the face of it all, what do I say? In the midst of it all, what do I see? In the wake of it all, what do I believe?
Someone please tell me.
"Must be a dream I see, It's like deja vu again. Trying so hard to know inside of you. Staring at your eyes to feel...Wishing to break through to you, but it's a hopeless dream. So cold, you're beside me, smiling...Hey Liar, Hey Lair, this and everything is a lie, Enough already, I'm tired, so tired, What do you think of living without me?"